The Q-Theory is theory on about the workings of a relationship in a scientific format that attempts to breakdown the logistics behind relationships as a whole. I was subjected to this theory very recently, and as a lover of logical over emotional processing, have found it very intellectually stimulating and have continued to ponder and build on it. I would like to record this theory for anyone interested, as well as try to get a better understanding of this theory myself.
As I implied previously, I am not a fan of making decisions based on emotion. As such a technical person, I have constantly felt uncomfortable when it comes to analyzing feelings or making decisions in terms of relationships. So, why not break down these decisions in a more logical term?
According to the Q-Theory, relationships are based of commonalities/appeals in these three areas: intellectual, character, or physical. Friendships usually contain 2 out of 3, and love relationships contain all 3.
INTELLECTUAL: This means you find the other person intellectually stimulating. Your communication skills, social skills, processing skills, understanding skills, etc. all fall within the same range. For example, if you process information quicker than another, or in a much different way, you are likely to feel aggravated or comprehending their trains of thought.
CHARACTER: Aka their personality. Are you both introverted? Do you enjoy similar activities? Most importantly, do you share a sense of humor? It’s always rather awkward if your humor style is extremely different. Habits also fall into this category; how much you feel it necessary to communicate or your workaholic status can change how well you can maintain a relationship with someone.
PHYSICAL: This usually falls under the romantic category. What do you expect from your partner? What are your morals? Especially: are you attracted to your partner?
Although I say “commonalities”, I would like to point out that differences can compliment each other. A relationship is based on how well the qualities found in each person mesh with one another in each category.
Decisions within a Relationship
Deciding where to go with a relationship is sometimes very difficult. Being unsure of what to do can be very stressful, especially when it comes to deciding whether to end it.
COMMONALITIES: This goes back to the triangle of traits above. A relationship needs these properties to line up in such a way that they complement one another. Do you find yourself interested in this person’s opinion? Do you get along well? Do you satisfy each other’s habits/desires in each category?
DYNAMIC: This is a branch of commonalities. In general, if you find that you have a hard time maintaining a conversation, get bored easily when hanging out together, do not miss each other’s company, etc. it may be a sign your dynamic is not up to snuff.
LONGEVITY: How long do you picture yourself being with this person?
GOALS: What do you want out of this relationship, and is this relationship satisfying your needs?
REACTION: How will they react if you sat them down and explained what was going through your head?
RESTRICTION: Are they holding you back from what you want in life? Is there someone else?
STRESS: This point is the most important of all, and certainly one that we forget to think about on a normal basis. Does this relationship stress you out? Relationships are supposed to make you happy, not stressed or upset. If you find a relationship is only causing you one of these things, maybe you should re-analyze.
Although this theory may or may not be correct, theories are always a bonus to think about. An intellectual stimulation to help you analyze your situation in a more effective manner. How do you decide what to do in relationships? How do you understand them?