The Q-Theory is theory on about the workings of a relationship in a scientific format that attempts to breakdown the logistics behind relationships as a whole. I was subjected to this theory very recently, and as a lover of logical over emotional processing, have found it very intellectually stimulating and have continued to ponder and build on it. I would like to record this theory for anyone interested, as well as try to get a better understanding of this theory myself.
As I implied previously, I am not a fan of making decisions based on emotion. As such a technical person, I have constantly felt uncomfortable when it comes to analyzing feelings or making decisions in terms of relationships. So, why not break down these decisions in a more logical term?
According to the Q-Theory, relationships are based of commonalities/appeals in these three areas: intellectual, character, or physical. Friendships usually contain 2 out of 3, and love relationships contain all 3.
INTELLECTUAL: This means you find the other person intellectually stimulating. Your communication skills, social skills, processing skills, understanding skills, etc. all fall within the same range. For example, if you process information quicker than another, or in a much different way, you are likely to feel aggravated or comprehending their trains of thought.
CHARACTER: Aka their personality. Are you both introverted? Do you enjoy similar activities? Most importantly, do you share a sense of humor? It’s always rather awkward if your humor style is extremely different. Habits also fall into this category; how much you feel it necessary to communicate or your workaholic status can change how well you can maintain a relationship with someone.
PHYSICAL: This usually falls under the romantic category. What do you expect from your partner? What are your morals? Especially: are you attracted to your partner?
Although I say “commonalities”, I would like to point out that differences can compliment each other. A relationship is based on how well the qualities found in each person mesh with one another in each category.
Decisions within a Relationship
Deciding where to go with a relationship is sometimes very difficult. Being unsure of what to do can be very stressful, especially when it comes to deciding whether to end it.
COMMONALITIES: This goes back to the triangle of traits above. A relationship needs these properties to line up in such a way that they complement one another. Do you find yourself interested in this person’s opinion? Do you get along well? Do you satisfy each other’s habits/desires in each category?
DYNAMIC: This is a branch of commonalities. In general, if you find that you have a hard time maintaining a conversation, get bored easily when hanging out together, do not miss each other’s company, etc. it may be a sign your dynamic is not up to snuff.
LONGEVITY: How long do you picture yourself being with this person?
GOALS: What do you want out of this relationship, and is this relationship satisfying your needs?
REACTION: How will they react if you sat them down and explained what was going through your head?
RESTRICTION: Are they holding you back from what you want in life? Is there someone else?
STRESS: This point is the most important of all, and certainly one that we forget to think about on a normal basis. Does this relationship stress you out? Relationships are supposed to make you happy, not stressed or upset. If you find a relationship is only causing you one of these things, maybe you should re-analyze.
Although this theory may or may not be correct, theories are always a bonus to think about. An intellectual stimulation to help you analyze your situation in a more effective manner. How do you decide what to do in relationships? How do you understand them?
Engineering is a tough course in university. There’s a huge work load, too many tests, impossibly difficult subjects… a stressful and time-consuming program. Because of this, engineers have to bond together as a group, a family, to pass and just get through. I think people don’t quite understand us, and sometimes I just wish I could tell them our story, or at least mine. As a McMaster Engineering student and a Redsuit (a frosh week controller/event organizer), I have heard a lot of stereotypes that we are sexist, racist egotistical, negligent drunk individuals. I would like to explain a little…
Other faculties say they start disliking us starting at Welcome Week (a week of events made for the incoming first years to get them to know campus and feel integrated into the school). Engineering is well known for running around shouting obnoxious cheers that push the limits of being socially acceptable or that scream faculty pride. We are loud, vibrant and dramatic, where as the other faculties (from my perception) are quiet, formal and … NOT obnoxious. I think because of this difference we seem like shit disturbers. What I’d like to say about this is that Welcome week is a time to get integrated into the school, feel welcomed and comfortable, and just have fun! Even for the redsuits themselves, this is one of the few times a year where we can just relax, have fun, and forget about the mountain of stress and hard work coming. I know I wouldn’t have liked to spend faculty day any other way. By being “forced” to be out-of-the-box and obnoxious I felt so much more included, and like no one would outcast me. It made feel like part of a family. We need this family. If you don’t, you fail. Let’s admit it too, engineers are strange ones. By being shown we can be weird as we want and still be accepted and loved makes the world of a difference.
I can personally say that participating in Welcome Week with engineers just as they set it up, then continuing in being part of our community has done everything for me. It saved me from a downward spiral. It saved me. I became a redsuit because of all that its done for me, and because I want to help others just like redsuits did for me.
All our shenanigans and “pranks” and event; they’re just humorous. We aren’t serious when we shout our “putting-down” cheers at other faculties (and may I remind you, they shout terrible things right back). We LOVE other faculties. McMaster is our home, and that includes the Humanities, Health Sci, Science, Nurses…. everyone. We’re only joking around. We have to. That comedy is what loosens us up from our suffocating course. Without it I think I’d die of stress and worry. I just wish the other faculties could understand we only do this to survive. Plus we are weird, socially awkward and crazy, and our sense of humor is …. crazy. Sure that means we don’t seem socially acceptable, but bear with us.
These tomfoolery… we love them. And because we love McMaster, we think it’s awesome to share it with them. We want everyone to have as much fun as we do. This is how we show our love. Yea, it might be a weird way, but come on, you can only do so much math before you go a little insane. Some of these things are Welcome Week events (that I kind of talked about up there), Santa Hog( we sing and collect money for charity), other charity events, pub nights, Kipling ‘Pranks’, etc.
Kipling ‘Pranks’ are a bunch of silly projects made and set up by the graduating engineering students the day before their ceremony where they finally get their iron ring. They are approved by our Faculty of Engineering (Associate Dean) and by Health & Safety (EOHSS), so they are harmless. This year unfortunately we had a bit of an ….. incident with one of our Kipling ‘Pranks”; the maze in the art squad. A bashful article was posted in our McMaster newspaper, and there has been others before it.
We honestly don’t mean any harm. It’s true that if it was another faculty’s prank they probably would have left it. If I saw the Artsies set up something like that I would’ve been so excited; who doesn’t want their life spiced up from the everyday workload and stress of school? If I don’t like the obnoxious singing in the student center or that the cultural days took up the only open work space when I needed to do an assignment, I don’t get offended by them or hate the organizing faculty. Everyone has their fun events.
So how do we stop faculty phobia? It’s hard to know. Engineering isn’t the only faculty with bad stereotypes.
Sure engineers come off as proud, but that’s because we love each other and what we do so much, and because we have such a bond. Who isn’t proud of “true family”? I love McMaster, and I know all the other faculties do too. So, TOGETHER we should become proud and TOGETHER we should make one huge family.
Maybe one day we’ll all understand each other better.
And we’ll study and we’ll go give it all we got.
Because I’m in engineering at university I find these memes to be one of my favorite kinds. Especially the nerdy ones that not many people would get without an explanation, which makes them hard to share. I’ve also found that the more I hang out with engineers in my busy schooling schedule, the more memes I think up and want make… so here are the first few ones than I’ve made! (hopefully you’ll get them, they arent too nerdy… this time)
Because the Gearheads…. Oh Honda’s….
I have this song stuck in my head. It is “class” from “Chicago”. It’s making me think……
Now, if you listened to the lyrics, I have started to contemplate them. Have you ever thought about how our society is so very hypocritical? I’m not saying that I also am not a hypocrite at times, of course I can be. But why is our society so hypocritical? It’s enough to turn a human mad! People criticizing others’ skills, shedding contempt on their ideas; hurting feelings. People walking around thinking they’re all that and have the right to look down on the skills others have and mistakes others make when, in all reality, they are just as at fault.
Why can’t we just accept everyone? Why can’t we just be nice to people? Why can’t we truly care instead of lusting after physical gain?
I know what it’s like being the kid that was always left out. This made me grow up to truly fight to help the “unlovable”.
When you grow up would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?
Will you defeat them: you’re demons, and all the non-believers: the plans that they have made?
Just because something is different doesn’t mean it’s bad! Just because someone is angry a lot doesn’t mean they don’t love. It’s often the angry that need the love you give to regain faith in the human race and give them something to hold on to!
This is one of my life goals now: To be help those who need it most. The broken. The monster infested. The ones that truly are nice people but have slipped below the surface while swimming in a pool called Life.
To help those who live the “Sharpest Lives”
‘Cause it rains and it pours when you’re out on your own
You’re the one that I need, I’m the one that you loath
You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose ’cause I love all the poison
You can take all the pain away from me
Help those around you and you’d be surprised at the amazing, loyal friends you will make, and the lives you will save!